


Vimes is Bisexual

by Aleaiactaest



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Essays, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:01:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleaiactaest/pseuds/Aleaiactaest
Summary: An informal essay about the textual canon support that Vimes is bisexual.
Kudos: 30





	Vimes is Bisexual

Most of the canon evidence that Sam Vimes is bisexual is in Snuff.

> And then there were the frescoes, such that if you were a man easily persuaded then it was a good job there was a cold tap, because not to put too fine a point on it, as it were, there were a large number of fine points all over them, yes indeed, and the ladies were only the start of the problem. There were marble gentlemen, as well, definitely gentlemen, even the ones with goats’ feet. It was surprising that the water in the bath didn’t boil of its own accord. He had asked Sybil about it, and she said that it was an important feature of the Hall, and gentlemen collectors of antiquities would often visit in order to inspect it. Vimes had said that he expected that they did, oh yes indeed. Sybil had said that there was no need for that tone of voice, because she had occasionally taken a bath there from the time she had been twelve and had seen no harm in it. It had, she said, stopped her from being surprised later on. [Snuff]

‘the ladies were only the start of the problem’. Vimes isn’t only turned on by the women. He’s turned on by the men, and some of those men are nonhuman - specifically, they are satyrs. (All of those times when he asked Carrot or Angua about how their relationship was working can be looked upon as an eggmode xenophile in denial trying to work through his own thoughts.)

> There was another pause, and in the red light Vimes could see the shine on the old man’s face. ‘What is going to happen to her, commander? At the moment, two polite young ladies in Ankh-Morpork City Watch uniform are standing guard over her in our house. I don’t know if this helps very much, but the first thing she did when the arresting officers arrived was make them tea. There is such a thing as good manners, you see. Is she going to prison?’
> 
> Vimes felt the urge to say, ‘Would you like her to?’ but he choked it back, because of the tears. ‘It’s Charles, isn’t it?’
> 
> The colonel looked surprised. ‘As a matter of fact, commander, it’s Chas to my friends.’
> 
> ‘Am I one of them?’ _[cut for length]_
> 
> ‘I do love her, you know,’ said the colonel. ‘We’ve been married for fifty-five years. I’m very sorry you’ve been troubled and, as I’ve said, I envy you your job.’
> 
> ‘I think, perhaps, I should envy her her husband,’ said Vimes. [Snuff]

Vimes asks if he can call Colonel Makepeace ‘Charles’ and if he’s a friend, and then, after a long monologue, says, ‘I think, perhaps, I should envy her her husband’. He wants a husband like Colonel Makepeace!

None of the other books are as blatant, but there’s nothing in them that contradicts a bisexual reading of Vimes.

> “It’s Lord Mountjoy Gayscale Talonthrust III of Ankh,” said the apparition, which was dressed in huge and fearsomely-padded armor. “You know, I really don’t think he can cut the mustard.” 
> 
> “He can’t?” said Vimes, backing away. 
> 
> “It really needs two of you.” 
> 
> “It does, doesn’t it,” whispered Vimes, his shoulder blades trying to carve their way out through the fence. 
> 
> “Could you oblige?” boomed the thing. 
> 
> “What?” 
> 
> “Oh, don’t be squeamish, man. You just have to help him up into the air. It’s me who has the tricky part. I know it’s cruel, but if he can’t manage it tonight then he’s for the choppy-chop. Survival of the fittest and all that, don’t you know.” 
> 
> Captain Vimes managed to get a grip on himself. He was clearly in the presence of some sexcrazed would-be murderess, insofar as any gender could be determined under the strange lumpy garments. If it wasn’t female, then references to “it’s me who has the tricky part” gave rise to mental images that would haunt him for some time to come. He knew the rich did things differently, but this was going too far. 
> 
> “Madam,” he said coldly, “I am an officer of the Watch and I must warn you that the course of action you are suggesting breaks the laws of the city—” and also of several of the more strait-laced gods, he added silently—“and I must advise you that his Lordship should be released unharmed immediately—” [G!G!]

“ _If it wasn’t female, then references to “it’s me who has the tricky part” gave rise to mental images that would haunt him for some time to come. He knew the rich did things differently, but this was going too far._ ” - implies that Vimes associates the rich with doing things differently, possibly in the sense of same-sex behaviour. He seems to at least be aware that same sex intimate relations occur. However, with regards to all of this, he’s also weirded out because he has the misconception that Sybil is a sex-crazed murderess. This is not Vimes looking at a normal, consensual same sex liason where no one is going to be murdered. Also, ironically, Vimes ends up as a member of the very rich aristocracy that he associates with deviant sexual behaviour.

Vimes observes that he’s fairly vanilla. It’s possible to be bisexual and vanilla.

> *He’d noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: It fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination—but at the end of the day they’d settle quite happily for egg and chips, if it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato. [TFE]

Vimes comments that he hasn’t bought any sex toys. It’s possible to be bisexual and not use sex toys.

> “Well, yes…and rubber work, and…feathers…and whips…and…little jiggly things,” said William, blushing.
> 
> “But—”
> 
> “Never been in there myself, although I believe Corporal Nobbs gets their catalogue,” said Vimes. “I don’t think there’s a Guild of Makers of Little Jiggly Things, although it’s an interesting thought. Anyway, Mr. Scrope is all nice and legal, Mr. de Worde. Nice old family atmosphere, I understand. Makes buying…this and that, and little jiggly things…as pleasant as half a pound of humbugs, I don’t doubt. And what rumor is telling me is that the first thing nice Mr. Scrope will do is pardon Lord Vetinari.” [TT]

It’s ironic to observe that, first, we have Vimes thinking that queer people are rich aristocrats… when he ends up being a rich aristocrat, and then, below, we have Vimes thinking that queer people are in the Shades, when Vimes himself is from the Shades! The part of the Shades that tries to pretend it isn’t Shades, Cockbill Street, and that sort of denial of self is very consistent with a closeted experience. This does imply that, if Vimes is bisexual, he hasn’t done anything with a man yet. (In trying to figure out which one was the ‘man’, he again comes across as an eggmode queer trying to sort through his own thoughts.) (I imagine, if someone ever told Vimes about nonbinary people, he’d think about it for 5 seconds, and then he’d accept that nonbinary people are real and then he’d get right back to the latest crime.)

> “Bloodaxe and Ironhammer,” he muttered, aware that dwarfs around them were giving him annoyed looks,
> 
> “which one was—”
> 
> “Cheery told you. They were both dwarfs,” said Sybil, sharply.
> 
> “Ah,” said Vimes glumly.
> 
> He was always a little out of his depth in these matters. There were men, and there were women. He was clear on that. Sam Vimes was an uncomplicated man when it came to what poets called “the lists of love.” In some parts of the Shades, he knew, people adopted a more pick-and-mix approach. Vimes looked upon this as he looked upon a distant country; he’d never been there, and it wasn’t his problem. It just amazed him what people got up to when they had time on their hands. [TFE]

Vimes is often described in terms where he feels like an outsider to two words, between and neither, a common feeling among bisexuals.

> “Vimes stalked gloomily through the crowded streets, feeling like the only pickled onion in a fruit salad.” [G!G!] 
> 
> “The world does not deal well with those who don’t pick a side.”
> 
> “I like the middle,” said Vimes [NW]
> 
> “You do not wish to be a lieutenant?”
> 
> “No, sir. Too long for Dick and too short for Richard, sir,” said Vimes, focusing on a point a few inches above Rust’s head.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “Neither one things no t’other, sir.” [NW]
> 
> And I’m going home, Vimes repeated to himself. Everyone wants something from Vimes, even though I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hell, I’m probably a spoon. [Thud!]

In the text below from TFE, Vimes is most likely referring to what he perceives as flaws of his character, such as his tendency towards violence and how he spent a large chunk of his life accomplishes nothing productive. However, an additional reading of this passage also applies well to a bisexual Vimes who is deeply in the closet.

> “I’m sure Havelock shares with me a conviction that you have hidden depths, Sam.”
> 
> Vimes sank gloomily into his armchair. It was, he felt, a persistent flaw in his wife’s otherwise practical and sensible character that she believed, against all evidence, that he was a man of many talents. He knew he had hidden depths. There was nothing in them that he’d like to see float to the surface. They contained things that should be left to lie. [TFE]

Vimes consistently feels embarrassed about sexual allusions. This spans multiple books. Sex is an awkward thing, but many queer people report feeling even more awkward about discussions of sex than might be expected.

Bisexual people face higher rates of violence than any other group, even moreso than gays and lesbians, even if they are closeted bisexual people. Vimes faces a lot of violence, and while it isn’t because of his sexuality, it does thematically fit.

Bisexual people are also at increased risk to struggle with alcoholism, which Vimes does.

Overall, Vimes reads quite well as a bisexual man with a slight preference for women and who hasn’t yet gotten around to do anything about his attraction towards men. One may argue that, as an anachronistic character, he might be more likely to think about sexuality in terms of behaviours and not in terms of identities, but either way, he’s queer. Or perhaps an invert, one might say.

(He might also be demisexual, but that is a different issue.)


End file.
